Fearless Vampire Killers: Halloween Blog XX


The Medical Log of Doctor-Captain Lauraceous Bevatalirassitor 27th October 2144

Last night was a damned hoot! If I was one of those stinking, roguish, street imps that do infest the Knightwall Big Street, perhaps I would refer to it as a “mah fukka happy big time!” Nevertheless whatever we decide to call this old surgical soirée, let us maintaine that it was just delightful!

Things kicked off full steam ahead to say the least! Doc Winston D. Tonighard went straight in with a pin and mallet, giving the patient a swift, almost painless – though there were a few screams – trepanation procedure. Next up Doc Lecarlaccor got to work on a pretty grim leg extending procedure. Don’t really want to divulge profligately but it involved a tickle of bone shattering and then a quaint measure of screw tightening. Not overly strenuous, eh? Doc T. Afta Patier then went straight for the jugular (quite literally), opening up the old chap’s cake chute and scraping the nodules of his larynx like mollusks off an old oak bridge! Then it came time for my team and I to make our move. “Frankly” i declared heartily, “if the patient lived to tell the tale it would be a miracle!” The surgery had no name exactly, in fact surgery might be overly generous and perhaps experiment would be more accurate. We were simply going to remove all the organs and swap them around – just to see what would happen! And so away we went, severing veins here and unfettering intestines there! It was a cacophony of fabulous gore, flinging kidneys back and forth, while a heart sailed through the air like some mutated raven; and oh how it sung! The blood spraying out in a fabulous pitch that could only be the melody of medicine. What’s more a miracle occurred, the patient survived! Fair enough, now he has to talk out of his anus, but is that really any change? He was only Bureaucratic Lord!

Let’s hope the Protactas don’t find this…

Dug out this little scrap from the old archive and thought it was quite fitting to describe the show in Islington on Wednesday night. Obviously by no way am I insinuating the audience was like a Bureaucratic Lord, but the rest of it is a fairly accurate description I think. ; )

In all seriousness though, to everyone that came, YOU are the real Fearless Vampire Killers. You prove that we’re not just overly made-up idiots prancing about on the stage but that we’re real, and that we’re doing something important enough for you to come out and see us. You stake hearts mutha fuckers! And you guys give us the strength to do the same.

All the costumes were brilliant, witches, pirates, even a Heartatak! And all those freaky eyes still give me shivers. The bands were all brilliant, We Die Tonight, Lecarla, and the after party really stole the Haribo from the kids and replaced it with geletine free, ethically sourced Green and Black’s butterscotch chocolate!

That’s Drew just before the show, you can see the specks of talcum powder in the air, and also his hilarious expression.

Also here’s the first live footage ever – other than a small segment in this promotional video we did – of Could We Burn Darlin’? 🙂


Until my next letter, or never…



P.S must give thanks to Sir William South of the barony of Gillingham Norfolk, for reprising his role as the doctor on the night, and prancing around like a prat with me when I killed him at the climax of show! My heart alive, BOY!

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