FVKristmas Time (We’re All Bell-ends)

So it’s finally here it’s officially FVKRISTMAS!!! I hope old man Cringle has been good to you this year and has seen fit to stuff your little stocking full of boundless goodies of uncomprehendable-wonderousness (or maybe a Sega Megadrive if you’re REALLY lucky). Whatever you’re doing – whether you’re chilling with family, sitting in your room being anti-social with a new game or DVD (as I often did) or singing some wonderfully cringe-worthy Christmas songs around the fire – I hope you have a splendiferous time Lost Hearts :). As you can see, I’ve adorned The Woolnough family Christmas tree with some FVK styled baubliciousness (and a blurry image of Scrooged on Channel 4 in the background). I though I’d say another big thank you to everyone who bought up our FVK Christmas sets this year: Send in some photos of y’all goffin’ it up this Christmas 😉

Being Christmas we needed to do a little something special and typically our ‘something special’is something that should appeal to the thrifty amongst you all (as we are incredibly thriftitious :P). For today only you should be able to pick up a delicious, deluxe copy of our “fabulously horrendous” debut album Militia of the Lost!!! But Drew, how am I going to take advantage of this, quite frankly, ridiculously brilliant deal? Well folks, I’ll tell ya – all you need to do is follow this link:


And type in ITSFVKRISTMAS when prompted and there you go – Merry Bargain!


And here’s some of Wooly’s tips for a cracking Christmas – first up you need some music to get you into the mood for festive frolicking but you don’t want any old rubbish! So here’s some cracking Christmas tunes to boogie on down too later tonight:

  • Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End) – The Darkness (…ho-ho-ho ‘bell-end’ it’s a bit rude eh? Chuckle-chuckle-chuckle…)
  • Don’t Shoot Me Santa Claus – The Killers
  • Christmas With Weezer – Weezer (it’s an EP of Weezer covering Christmas carols and it sounds like a follow up to the Green Album – it’s awesome!)
  • I Want Christmas Always – LostAlone
  • Another Lonely Christmas – Prince
  • Ghost of Christmas – Manic Street Preachers
  • Thankful Heart – Michael Caine and the Muppets (From Muppet Christmas Carol bitches!)
  • Last Christmas – Wham!
  • What’s This? – Jack Skellington
  • Christmas Time –  Paul McCartney
To wash all of those kooky-karols down you’re gonna need some festive viewing, so what about you try these on for size baby:
  • Muppet Christmas Carol (in case you haven’t figured it out, I love this film!)
  • Scrooged
  • Die Hard + Lethal Weapon
  • It’s A Wonderful Life (Much to my shame I haven’t seen this in full yet, but I caught some of it on TV last night and have to watch it some time this Christmas)
  • Love Actually
  • The Office (and Extras) Christmas specials
  • Blackadder’s Christmas Carol
  • Batman Returns
  • The Christmas Ted and Ralph sketch from The Fast Show
  • Home Alone
  • Knowing Me Knowing Yule…With Alan Partridge
  • Red Sleigh Down
  • Eek the cat Christmas Special
  • Any James Bond film
  • The Hobbit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Add in a game of Star Wars Trivial Pursuit and a big box of Quality Streets and you’ve got yourself a pretty merry fracking Christmas folks 😉
As I was trying to think of some Christmassy business, I stumbled across this list of ‘Top 10 Christmas Cracker Jokes 2012’ and they were so appalling I had to share them with everyone….


1. Where does Father Christmas go to recover after Christmas?
An elf farm.

2. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive on time?
One day my prints will come.

3. What do you call two happy mushrooms?
Fun guys.

4. What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.

5. What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack.

6. What do you give a dog for Christmas?
A mobile bone.

7. What’s brown and creeps around the house?
Mince spies.

8. What do witches use to wrap their presents?

9. What do you call a train loaded with toffee?
A chew chew train.

10. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had no body to go with.


So bad, on so many levels… And on that bombshell I shall just leave you with a little taste of Christmas according to Bill Murray (which you can watch here), and wish you all a very Merry FVKristmas from all of FVK – have a good night!:

It’s the one night when we all act a little nicer. We…we smile a little easier. We…we…share a little more. For a couple of hours we are the people we always hoped we would be. It’s really a miracle because it happens every Christmas Eve. And if you waste that miracle, you’re gonna burn for it. I know. You have to do something. You have to take a chance and get involved. There are people that don’t have enough to eat and who are cold. You can go and greet these people. Take an old blanket out to them or make a sandwich and say, “Here, l get it now.” And if you give, then it can happen, the miracle can happen to you. Not just the poor and hungry, Everybody’s gotta have this miracle! It can happen tonight for you all! If you believe in this pure thing, the miracle will happen and you’ll want it again tomorrow! You won’t say, “Christmas is once a year and it’s a fraud.” It’s not! It can happen every day! You’ve just got to want that feeling! You’ll want it every day! It can happen to you! I believe in it now! I believe it’s gonna happen to me, now. I’m ready for it!

See ya later buckaroos,


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