Fearless Vampire Killers: Halloween Blog IX

Wow, Shane, way to give me a hard act to follow, you willy warmer.

Okay. I’ll move on, i’m a professional, i can kick his blog into yesterday. Okay. Deep breaths. Here we go.


Okay, we all know about my adoration of the (once exclusive to crappy old ASDA) Screme Eggs, but that’s only the orange skin on an enormous pumpkin of ghoulish yum yum. We’re going to start with my first purchase of the season;

So i’ve been out, perhaps had a few drinks (can’t remember) know that i need to get some wine and the get on with some important stuff, and so I make for our local Supermarket. When I enter, I already know this isn’t going to be any normal shopping trip; down the aisles floats the chilled aroma of butternut squash soup while pumpkins populate packed pallets pronouncing penny-protecting promotions. There are witches brooms and zombie masks, fake fangs and bottles of blood! But in my – let’s say merry – state, it’s the sugarloaded yumtimes mine eyes spy. On this first excursion, my frazzled brain can’t handle the burn of a zillion smouldering, yellow tagged Halloween promotions, so i grab for the nearest thing and make haste away for the alcohol section. “I will return” i promise myself as i waddle away. So above is the first Halloween yummettyfoog the band experienced. I made sure everyone had a taste, and i’m happy to say that – though only superficially different to cadbury’s Animals – the Spooky Shapes still went down a treat with an episode of Buffy thrown in for good measure.

But that is not all. I could really go on all day about the various seasonal superyums on offer, but there’s one product – and a tale of IGNORANCE to go with it – that really stands out from the crowd. Ladiez and Gentlepires, let me introduce you to…

Let’s start this story differently.

So. I’ve already bought the freaky fingers, and BRRN and i are walking back from the shop (i’ve got these because I need a treat to get me through the five hour editing fest for the Zompire Just What The Doctor Slaughtered clip.) Me and drew normally work together on those sort of things, so i thought “hey, i’ll get something he’ll enjoy too.” Little did I know, timid number 1 – or 2, i think they’re too timid to decide their numbers – had already made his judgement – without any evidence i hasten to add. 

“Hey BRRN,” says I, “check these out, really cool eh?”

“I guess… Drew thinks,” and here it comes, “drew thinks that having white chocolate fingers is such a crappy, weak link to Halloween.”


OKAY. Lets think about this. Scroll up to the image of the Freaky Fingers and tell me that their link is tenuous. Let’s look at the facts.

  • Just from the packaging we already know this is awesome. Classic haunted house and bat imagery.
  • White chocolate – finger colour. Self explanatory.
  • This is where it gets interesting. The biscuit centre REALLY IS red. How they do it who knows? The magic of Cadbury’s i guess. Perhaps they have wizards.
  • So all that’s not enough? Well when i get home, I confront the little monster and give him a piece of my mind. Tell him all i’ve told you. And then the real magic presents itself, and we forget everything, because they taste so good. It’s like there’s caramac in there or something. This isn’t any normal biscuit! It’s caramac super crimson biscuit!

Needless to say, Drew ate his words.

Was that just the most interesting blog ever? I think so!

But the point of this story, is that if you eat Halloween treats (especially freaky fingers) you have the power to make slightly shit b-movie homages like that which sits beneath.


Until my next letter, or never…



180 thoughts on “Fearless Vampire Killers: Halloween Blog IX

  1. Gregorypa

    Мы с друзьями очень часто кидаем все и едем путешествовать по миру в поиске действительно неповторимых мест. Недавно посетили Белевский женский монастырь (Ровно) и были впечатлены парящей там атмосферой. К большому сожалению по пути домой мы забыли посетить церковную лавку и купить что-то на память, к большому счастью выручил интернет, я купила себе икону Александра Невского.

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